"If I add myself unto myself multiplied times
You and yours and you again
There's just me
And if I divide 8 billion, 48 trillion, 98 zillion
There is, there is just me
If I subtract one plus me to the 5th degree,
Use any theorem
There's just me"
One is the Magic Number by Jill Scott
I remember listening to this song about 15 years ago or so and thinking how my life had been an algebraic equation of variables with some of them known and others unknown. That reflection has stuck with me ever since.
Unlike plus, minus, multiplying, which are associated with actions and gradings, the equal sign only communicates a relationship between entities and one of equal value.
Take for example, (3 + 2) = (7–2) where the answer is 5.
We could also reverse the equations: y = x or (7–2) = (3 + 2); but the equality of the entities would remain.
The equal sign is, therefore, a relational symbol. In other words, it does not communicate that an entity is greater, lesser, weaker, stronger, or anything of that nature. Equality does not necessarily mean sameness; it means the same value. Of course, equality is not only mathematical; it is also cultural and psychological.
"Social value is about context. As a concept, social value is at its most potent when it is thought of as akin to storytelling – providing a narrative for impact which allows us to see beyond distinct events to give us a richer, deeper understanding of not just what happened to whom, but also why it happened and the implications of this." Beyond Social Impact to Social Value - Community Action Suffolk
In times, I wondered:
What value did healing play in the mathematical equation of my life after trauma?
How much would it take for me to heal?
And what will I gain in return for that investment in my life?
Understanding my own life in the context of the external world around me proved meaningful in how I considered the 100 years that came before me. I considered the lives of my ancestors, the implications of decisions that dictators made for me, and how, through psychological political trauma recovery, I was determined not to let them affect the next 100 years of my life. I do not want to pass on my trauma to my children and grandchildren. It also proved meaningful for me in understanding other people’s histories and lived experiences.
As I looked inward at the intersection and multiplicity of my trauma and healing self, I began to consider how my own ecosystem had an X and Y axis as well. My identity was formed, and my behaviors carried out based on myriad of push and pull factors and variables. It is this Matrixed Self framework that, for me, helped orient my being grief-aware, trauma-conscious, and healing-centered. For me:
Healing is about peacebuilding.
Healing is community development.
Healing is spiritual.
Healing is expensive.
Healing is layered.
Healing is internal and external.
Healing is non-linear.
Healing takes humility.
Healing takes compassion toward self and toward others.
Healing takes courage.
Healing is liberating.
Healing lives within an ecosystem.
Healing can also be a matter of public policy, and our advocacy can serve as instruments of mainstreaming our individual and collective healing. For me, humanizing my trauma and mainstreaming my healing have been one form of building a more just, equitable, and peaceful world in classrooms, board rooms, dirt roads, street corners, and more. Just like women's rights advocacy has led the way in mainstreaming gender into the law, we have the opportunity today of mainstreaming healing in the law to help us close the mental health gap.
This article was originally published in MappingOnward: Autumn 2021 Issue.